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After a loved one passes away, it can be a struggle to clean out their things. Read on for some tips on helping to get the task completed.

How to Clean Out a Loved One’s Possessions – Solace Cremation (solacecares.com)

Tis the Season to bring cheer to others and here at Pike County Hospice, we work hard to do just that for our patients! Barbara Robinson is unable to be at home and will often talk about her favorite holiday traditions of making various salads and candies for the holiday family gatherings.  With limited resources for baking Barbara’s favorites, some thinking and creativity had to come into play – making something that did not require the oven or microwave. Danielle McCartney, our Hospice Social Worker, took all the ingredients necessary to make a simple yet yummy salad that allowed Barbara the ability to assist in creating it. Barbara most definitely enjoyed the activity that made for a fun and joyful memory before Christmas! The Snicker Apple Salad was yummy too! Here is the recipe if you are interested in trying it yourself!

Snicker Apple Salad

Snicker Apple Salad is a sweet treat, filled with texture and flavor! Bright pops of apple perfectly complement chewy chunks of Snickers.

• Prep Time: 5 minutes
• Total Time: 5 minutes
• Servings: 12
• Calories: 210

Ingredients

• 4 large Granny Smith apples
• 4-5 snickers bars
• 8 oz cool whip
• 1 small box vanilla instant pudding
• 1/2 cup milk
• caramel sauce

Instructions

• Mix milk and pudding then fold in the cool whip.
• Cut up apples and snickers and mix in.
• Drizzle caramel sauce on top.
• Serve cold or layer and serve cold.

Howard and Ernestine became Mr. & Mrs. Grimmett on the 9th of December in 1962. Howard was recently admitted into hospice care. When Danielle McCartney, our Social Worker, learned that their anniversary was approaching, she indirectly got ideas on how to make it a special one. When asked what they would like to do for their milestone 60th anniversary, Ernestine replied that, if Howard were able to, they would have loved to have gone to their favorite restaurant, Olive Garden.

At Pike County Hospice, we are always searching for ways to make every day special; we love to go above and beyond for our patients. Thanks to our Home Care & Hospice Foundation, we were able to surprise them with a beautiful bouquet of anniversary flowers and warm meals straight from Olive Garden.

Ernestine stated that Danielle “sure was sneaky” with her gathering of information, and she was overwhelmingly grateful for it. The Grimmetts made sure that we know how much they appreciate the thoughtfulness that was shown to them on their special day.

Mr. Grimmett, an Army Veteran, was gifted with a special blanket that we give to all of our veterans as a thank you for their service to our country.

Here at Pike County Hospice, we don’t count the days – we make the days count! Happy Anniversary, Mr. & Mrs. Grimmett!

*If you would like to send an Anniversary Card to the happy couple please send them to us and we will be MORE than happy to deliver!

• Mr. & Mrs. Grimmett
• c/o Danielle McCartney
• 1 Healthcare Place
• Bowling Green, MO 63334

When someone we love dies, experiencing feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, regret, guilt and sometimes even relief, is common and natural. We all experience loss, and learning how to process that loss is a vital component to fostering resilience and overcoming adversity. The grieving process is unique to everyone, do you find yourself aggravated and uncertain on how to answer the most common question from everyone around “how are you doing?” Read on for ways to answer that question.

How to Answer: ‘How Are You?’ When Dealing With Grief (myfarewelling.com)

The holidays are upon us and that can be a tougher time for those grieving, whether it is a recent loss or many years ago, this time of year can be hard for many. There is no one size fits all on how to survive the holidays. It is up to each individual to determine and find that coping skill that works for them. Think of it as a work in progress and continue experimenting until you find a mix of activities that gives you some peace and joy. Here is an article with 64 tips for coping with grief during the holidays, hopefully there will be something (s) that you will find helpful to you, or to someone that you are helping through the grieving process.

64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays

Question
My children were very close to their grandmother. My mom only lived two blocks away, so my kids often walked to her house after school to hang out. She had many sleepovers with all three of them when they were younger. In later years she’d only have one at a time but that was even more special. During Covid lockdown the drop-ins and overnights had to stop, of course. Then she got diagnosed with advanced lym­phatic cancer and went downhill quickly. We rallied around her in hospice, and my kids were so sweet in showing their love for her before she died last spring. We are doing okay in our grief, I think, but I’m worried about Halloween. My kids are only 6, 10, and 13. Will Halloween set them back? What can I do?

Answer
I offer you my deep sympathy at the loss of your mother and the children’s grandmother. It is clear that she was very special to all of you. And thanks for bringing forward an important concern that can catch bereaved persons by surprise: trigger events that suddenly set off intense grieving emotions.

Halloween can certainly be such a trigger event, with its many images of tombstones, scary skeletons, frightening sounds, and the like. Despite the fun of candy received while trick or treating, the customs of Halloween while one is still freshly grieving can be a bit overwhelming.

It may help to remember that the playing with and about death at Halloween represents common human longing for lost loved ones. In its own way, Halloween honors the dead and seeks to welcome or be in the presence of those we’ve loved and lost. Halloween practices actually have religious roots. Samhain, a Wiccan observance of harvest time, is based in part on the belief that the veil that separates the worlds of the living and of the dead is at its thinnest from October 31 to November 1. For Christians, All Saints Day on November 1 and All Souls Day on November 2 are solemn holy days for prayer and reflection to draw close those who have died. Many Hispanic cultures observe El Dia de las Muertos, Day of the Dead, to experience this same closeness as well. Many Jewish gravestones include a similar spiritual consolation expressed in an acronym which stands for “May his/her soul be bound up with the souls of the living.”

If your family has a religious practice, connect to that community or reach out to the clergy. Most faith communities will welcome and support you during this time. Grief is nearly always an expression of love and longing, so a con­versation ahead of time about what you each think Halloween will be like without her this year is important. Be careful, though, to not sur­prise or pressure them into such a conversation. You might lead off with a memory you have of Halloween with your mother before you had children. Then invite them to think about one or two Halloween memories with her to share together the following day. Remind your children that writing a memory – even if only a sentence or two – can be a useful way to share it with each other. Spending the extra time to write it down will also help each of them process the emotions and thoughts that go along with such recollections before they are shared with others.

Each of your children is at a different developmental level of understanding death or expressing grief. While I cannot go into those details here, there are many books and online resources about how children may grieve depending on their chronological age, experience, and overall maturity. I’d encourage you to contact the bereavement staff at the hospice that provided care for your mother for resources and suggestions.

You have your own grief about your mother’s death, which you need to honor even as you support your children in their grief for their grandmother. Both can be accomplished, but it is important to take good care of yourself first. Find ways to rest and restore your equilib­rium so you will have the inner strength to attend to their needs also.
Remember that we never grieve alone, so reach out to family, friends, and hospice professionals for backup support as the holiday season approaches.

• The Rev. Paul A. Metzler, DMin, an Episcopal priest and psychotherapist, is semi-retired following over 40 years of service as a clergy member, therapist, and hospice-based grief counselor. October 2022 Edition of Journeys Bereavement Newsletter. Email your questions for the experts to askjourneys@hospicefoundation.org. 

Almost every grief client I have known has asked this question. We both imagine and dread the endlessness of being in pain over our loss. Whether spoken aloud or not, everyone who grieves wonders: will I ever get over this loss?

The answer is both yes and no. We may miss someone we lost for a long time, especially if they were a big part of our everyday lives. But missing someone and being in pain because of their absence are not the same thing. Missing someone doesn’t have to be painful.

In part the extent of our sorrow depends on whom we lost. How significant was this person to us? Also was this person in our daily life? The condition of the person who died also affects how we grieve. If the deceased suffered for a long time before dying, we may release them more easily. Sudden and unexpected deaths can impact us more severely and take longer to accept. We may more easily come to terms with the death of one who was very ill, already very compromised, or very old.

Another key factor is how complete we felt we were with the deceased. Often what holds us back from recov­ering from loss is when we have regrets, resentments or other feelings we never expressed. This can slow down our recovery. But it is never too late to have an out-loud imaginary conversation for and with yourself where you express all that you withheld from the one who died.

I have often reassured clients that you need not grieve forever. By that I mean you don’t have to be immersed in the intensity of your sorrow for the rest of your life. We have to trust that with time our pain will lessen and even­tually subside. We may still miss a loved one long after they are gone. But in time missing is no longer painful. I believe we have a choice over how much and how long we suffer over losses. Instead of counting the number of days or weeks or months of our sorrow, notice instead the days when the sun peeks out of the clouds of our grief. Pay attention
to the times when you aren’t consumed with grief. Pat yourself on the back when you can step back into your ordinary life and socialize or work and enjoy some aspect of your life.

The amount of time we spend in pain is no gift to our dead. If you died would you want your loved ones to be immobilized with grief for months or years? Remember there is no right amount of time for grieving. Remember too that you do not honor your lost loved one with your sorrow but rather by living a good life in their honor.

• Judy Tatelbaum, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and author. October 2022 Edition of the Journeys Bereavement Newsletter